47yearsoflifetotalkabout

A nasty separation and divorce is taxing and frustrating for adults; just imagine how it is affecting the children.  If they were witness to continual arguments, disagreements, and extreme tension during the marriage, they shouldn’t have to be a part of that during the separation and divorce.  No matter how you feel about your ex you must not transpose that onto your children. When you do this it makes them feel as though they have to pick sides.  You never want to put your child in that position; they will hold this against you in later years.

            It might be helpful to involve a mediator at this junction of the situation; somebody who can objectively talk to your kids about the situation and get their opinions and thoughts.  Kids will often times open up to a stranger and spill their feelings better than when they are talking to the parent.  They don’t want to hurt your feelings and sometimes what they have to say can be very hurtful towards you.  It’s important that they have this opportunity and that you allow them this right; after all, you are tearing apart their world and they do have a right to complain.  You have to remember, separation and divorce isn’t just about you; it’s about the whole family.

            At the time of the separation and pending divorce, it is important to go to your child’s school and explain the situation to the teachers and counselors.  Problems may arise in school work and attitudes and school officials need to know the underlying causes of such behavior.  I suggest you go in as a couple so that one parent is not making bad remarks about the other.  You never want to air your dirty laundry in such places as your child’s school; this will only hinder his or her adjustment to the situation.  At the time you visit the school, provide the necessary documents that outline parental custody accommodations; who the child resides with, visitation rights, new address for the absent parent, etc.  This is crucial so that the child does not ever have to make an explanation to school authorities and add to his or her anxiety.  If there is ever a change in those accommodations, please make sure that you notify the school as soon as possible.

            There is more to think about when your relationship reaches this point than just who gets the house, the car, the sofa, and the kids.  Your very first concern should be the emotional stability of your children and you should put aside your needs, desires, and anger to protect the kids in every possible way you can.  They are having their whole world redefined and it’s up to you as parents to make sure their new definition is as positive as it can be. 

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